You're worried about time and death and leaving. Think about cures and solutions and possibilities. Keep dreaming and hoping and make it possible. Remember that you're loved no matter what. Smile through out all your days and stay happy. Do everything you ever wanted to do. you only live once, so make it count. Make it worth it. Always have hope that God will save you and you will stay. And if he can't save you in time, it means you've lived your life as much as you needed to and you're a perfect person to bring to heaven.